The Blah Inferno

In the opening line to Anna Karenina, Tolstoy writes, "Happy families are all alike. Every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." Blah sufferers are both unique and alike (for many, this is part of the source of their blahs). Some need to be coddled or forgiven, others to be spurned. Here is one typology of people with the blahs (deepest apologies to Dante, and Tolstoy too, while I'm at it):

The Circles of the Blah Inferno

Circle 1: reserved for dilettantes with petty, flickers of blahs. People who broke a nail or spilled white wine on a brown rug.

Circle 2: for those who are in the way of an ill wind, not of their doing. People who get rear ended. People whose dry cleaning comes back scorched. People who as kids were the last to be picked for softball.

Circle 3: for those who puff out their cheeks and blow a stinky wind that messes up other people's hair. Those who pretend not to know your name when they really do.

Circle 4: residing here are the pathetic -- those who have clumps of misery thrown at them and just can't seem to duck in time. People who keep spraining the same ankle. People whose tire goes flat on a rainy day (and whose cell phone battery just died).

Circle 5: here dwell the blah feeders, those who turn toward the blahs like a sunflower shifting to follow the sun. People who pick a life partner assuming that they can change his or her annoying habits. People who tell the unpoliticized truth at the office and wonder why they are not promoted.

Circle 6: for the worst blah sinners of all who deserve no empathy or chocolate. These wretches not only sneak around gathering blahs, but they wear their blah like a diamond pendant that commands recognition and even admiration. People who collect medical specialists like trophies. People who say, "I'm too old for that."

Circle 7: You decide. Who belongs here?